Tuesday, December 05, 2006

Gratitude, with Gritted Teeth

Okay, so I've been in a funk for a while now. A major contributor to my sickness (whether we're talking about alcoholism or depression), though, is focusing solely on the negative—whether it's what's negative about me, my life, other people, the world—whatever.

Even though it may seem like I have nothing to be grateful for right now, I know rationally and intellectually that that's a lie. So, with gritted teeth, I will make an effort to do the one thing that has been successful in the past, when I've been feelin' funky.

Without further ado, I present:

A List of (Grudging) Gratitude:
  • Boots, when he's not demon-possessed (and sometimes when he is!)


  • R, when I'm not mad at him, because deep down, I DO love him, or I wouldn't still be here


  • The weather being cool and dry enough for me to have gone for a run today


  • The way running (okay, jogging) calms my mind


  • 2 ski trips in my very near future!


  • The church we've found, and the real friends I'm making there


  • The way God is making me aware of the fact that I've turned my back on him for years, not the other way around, and that it's not an irreversible action


  • I've been able to lose 7 pounds in the past 4 weeks, via not drinking alcohol and the South Beach Diet


  • My HP is not a God of confusion, and I can seek his wisdom and direction through prayer, and he promises to give me a sound mind


  • My blogging peeps (special hugs to Kenny), even the ones who piss me off when they say stuff I don't want to hear, 'cuz I know they are just telling me what I NEED to hear (or at least what they think I need to hear)

Ahhhh.

Don't know whether it's endorphins or the list, but that feels sooooo much better!

10 comments:

Recovery Road London said...

Glad you're feeling bteer today - endorphins or otherwise.

Thinking of you.

Kenny .x.

GOOOOOD ol Rockytop... rockytop tennesseeeeee! said...

Good for you!

Watch out for those ski trips, especially if you drank in the past at them.

I cancelled my X-mas trip to Indiana this year, because I knew why I had really scheduled it, and what I usually do in Indiana... which is drink with old friends.

Take Care!

;)

Pammie said...

Don't know you, but I've been reading your "journey". I've smiled, and winced, and watched you come to your own conclusions. Keep writting.......it seems to be doing something for you.

Gooey Munster said...

You're so human and so beautiful! You have a colorful gratitude list. Can you see? Can you see that you are seeing thru the clouds . . . the sun is shining strong on you!

and Boots, so handsome!

Anonymous said...

Very Good. Keep it up!

Rinse. Repeat.

dAAve said...

LOL
LOL

Pam Jarnagin said...

Tabitha!! (okay, I don't know if Tab is short for Tabitha or not—guess I assumed it is because it's my niece's name)

Silly girl—I didn't mean you! Boots says "hey" to you and Jasper. :D

Mary Christine said...

I am so relieved to see that you are feeling better.

I have been doing South Beach since May. It is awesome and can be done on a permanent basis.

Anonymous said...

I still can't get myself to do a gratitude list on a good day and I have over 13 months now. Good on ya!

I sometimes hate it when people say this, but courage is when you are brave in the face of your fear or difficulties, not the absence of fear. Keep hanging in there.

Trudging said...

It is good to see you back and posting.