This is embarrassing to have to confess. I'm still on Step 1, on Day 54. Shouldn't I be further along by now?
The assignment my sponsor has given me for this step at first seemed like it would be ridiculously easy to complete.
List 300 things over which I am powerless.
That's it.
Do you know how freakin' hard this is? Should I narrow it down to categories? Should I include the insignificant items, or the obvious items like "I'm powerless over how fast my nails grow; I'm powerless over the sun's rising; I'm powerless over death..." Blah, blah, blah-ba-dee-blah, ad infinitum.
I'm frustrated and angry because I already feel freaking powerless over every area of my life!!!!! Why do you think I drank in the first place?????
This is holding me back, and I can't move on to Step 2 until I get it over with. Should I tell my sponsor I need a different assignment, or that I'm struggling with this one, and that it seems stupid and pointless to me? I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I feel like all I'm doing now is avoiding the issue entirely. I'm even wondering if I need a different sponsor, but I think that's just the part of me that gives up when the going gets tough, and that's part of what I'd like to work on changing (I think, anyway).
Maybe I like being stuck. Is that sick, or what? Maybe I don't want to move forward and grow. I think I do, though. So, do I just grit my teeth and do the assignment, or do I talk to my sponsor and tell her what's going on, or both, or option D) None of the above?
Help!!!!
7 comments:
Most likely your sponsor has no idea of what you are feeling. Talk to her, be honest and you will discover something you need to.
I completed my 1st step when I was 3 months sober. We all work at different paces. Just don't pick up meanwhile. When people would tell me this I would get pissed, but I see the greatness in it today.
Talk to her.
There has been 2 times when I considered getting a new sponsor cuz my I thought my sponsor was not sponsoring as I thought I should be. LOL. I talked to her, and I tell you God is amazing and humorous. I still have my sponsor, and am grateful I did not play the role of God.
Interesting, never heard of having to write 300 things down... I would talk to your sponsor about how you feel. You need to be honest with her about feeling overwhelmed... but also if it were me, I'd just do it and include the small things, there aint no way to write 300 things without including things like "The color of my keyboard". Lol :)
ASK! The people that matter don’t mind, and the people that mind, don’t matter,so there is nothing to lose by it!
I find Step 1 the most EXHAUSTING step to do with Sponsees. Its actually VERY difficult to do well. In my opinion.
Start by asking and see how it goes from there. STOP WORRYING ABOUT HURTING HER FEELINGS. She's not a child! Its very patronizing when people who are new assume that you would 'get upset' by something as mundane as a simple question. But I'm so used to that misperception in new people that I almost expect it.
How long has she been around, and how are her other Sponsees doing? Are they still sober? After how long? Also, has she got what you want? And do you even know what you want 10 years or so down the line? I've posted some stuff under the topic heading 'choosing a sponsor' which may help you..
JUST. DO. IT.
Most likely, your sponsor is not a mind reader. Tell him/her/it what and how you feel. Then and only then, can he/she/it have enough insight as to be able to offer some true help.
Most likely, your sponsor will be asking you to do more things that are uncomfortable. Like Scott W. said above ...
Just. Do. It.
(what do you have to lose?)
If it's any consolation, I'm in the middle of a similar assignment, and I'm 213 days sober :P
(Yeah, that's what happens when you wait until you're six months sober before getting a sponsor ...) *smacks self in face*
You can do this :)
I think you are right were God wants you to be. ;) Don't cha just LOVE that one!
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