Self Analysis

Hey, all. Everything's going okay. This week was a little difficult because I was inexplicably very volatile emotionally. I kept having those out-of-body moments where I'd be looking at this irrational woman ranting on and on about something absolutely trivial, and knowing that woman was none other than me. I was out of control, and knew it, but just unable to stop. At least I didn't drink, although I was bombarded by intense cravings from out of the blue on several occasions, and certainly fantasized about it before bringing myself up short and derailing those little mind trips.

I'm not sure what's going on. In a lot of ways, I feel like I back to where I was 4 to 5 months ago, and I guess that's pretty accurate in terms of where I was then and where I am now since my last drink. It's just hard to wrap my head around the undeniable fact that a week-long binge puts me back at square one, not just mentally, but apparently, physically, too. I think this is just the systemic "purge" that goes on for a while once you stop putting alcohol into your body. I'd forgotten how shitty that feels, and it's one more of those little factoids that shows me why exactly my life is so much more enjoyable and manageable without alcohol.

The one thing that helps me deal with the physical part of this is running. The days I don't run are the days I find myself depressed, moody, and volatile. I need to start crosstraining on the days I don't run.

I registered to enter my Very First Race. Ever. (Okay, not including elementary school PE.) It's a 5K called Tour of the Gables, and it's 3 weeks from today. I've pretty much been running this distance as my "normal" run, so I don't think endurance will be a problem. I do want to try to increase my speed, though, so I'm going to be focusing more on that in these weeks preceding the race.

I'm worried I'm getting too thin (ha! never thought I'd say that again...), so I think for the next week, I'm going to keep a food journal to monitor my caloric intake. I think what's happened here is that I adjusted my diet to lose weight and eat healthily over the past 4 months, but now that I'm exercising a lot more and am at (really beyond) my goal weight, I need to add back more complex carbs than I have (primarily whole grains, as I'm eating quite a few vegetable and fruit servings a day). I may need to add more protein, too, and maybe more good fat. Anyway, a food journal will help me to analyze and pinpoint what needs to change.

Gotta go. It's getting light and today's my day for a longer run, so I want to get out early.