I blogged about this topic way back in 2011, and haven't thought much about the question of cooking with wine or other spirits since. I don't actually cook very much at all anymore, so it's been pretty much a non-issue.
But, then, the other day, I decided I wanted, to make my once famous Classic Chicken Divan, and it's once again become an Issue.
With a capital "I."
I asked for non-alcoholic white wine substitute suggestions from friends on social media.
I googled it.
I received and found the usual white grape, white wine vinegar, lemon juice, chicken broth, etc., suggestions.
While I appreciate the input, these were all substitute ingredients I've tried in the past, without success in achieving the desired results.
In Chicken Divan, the white sauce is THE make-or-break component, and if it tastes off, odd or bland, the whole dish is terribly disappointing.
I ended up buying some cooking sherry. I know from experience that it's off-the-charts salty, but I can use unsalted butter and leave out the salt the recipe requires. Hopefully, it will turn out fine.
But, I didn't really intend this to be a recipe sharing post.
What I found interesting, and a bit disturbing, were some suggestions I received, even from friends who know I'm a recovering alcoholic, to just purchase an inexpensive white wine, because "the alcohol cooks out."
You know what? I googled that, too.
Turns out, that's a MYTH.
Granted, the alcohol percentage remaining, especially in a recipe serving 6, requiring a total of 3 Tablespoons, is miniscule.
Certainly not enough to trigger a physical response.
But, that's not really THE issue.
I know I've eaten things with alcohol added as an ingredient during cooking since I first got sober. Not with foreknowledge, but I've been able to taste a hint in some dishes served at potlucks or dinners. It's never been a problem for me, although I probably would have avoided those particular offerings if I had been told beforehand.
The issue for me is more psychological.
First, if I decide I can eat food prepared with beverage quality alcohol as an ingredient, it's easier to believe I can purchase it solely for the purpose of cooking.
I actually perused the wine aisle at Publix before heading back to the spices for the cooking sherry. One friend had suggested alcohol-free wine, so I was looking for that (they only had red, and it was expensive!).
Now, I learned early in my sobriety to avoid people, places, and things that are threats to my recovery.
Places like the wine aisle.
Wine was probably the hardest thing for me to face giving up when I finally decided to be serious about getting sober. Not that I didn't drink it to excess, or wake up with massive hangovers from it. I did. It was alcohol.
But, unlike other alcoholic beverages, I didn't drink it JUST to get buzzed or drunk. It was the one thing I actually savored and could sip, instead of gulping. It's what I drank in public when I didn't want to get sloppy drunk or pass out (like that always worked...).
And, as I discovered Monday in the wine aisle, it's the one thing which still gives me that mumps gland twinge.
And, that's not all.
Instantly, I could taste the apple, oak and vanilla notes of my favorite Chardonnay, the crisp citrus hints of a good Pinot Grigio. I left. Quickly.
On the way to the spice aisle, I actually caught myself thinking, "I could probably have wine now, and be okay."
It hit me then how easily I could slip, and how close I had just come to a fall.
Y'all, that slope is LETHALLY slippery!
How quickly did I go from looking for a wine substitute for cooking to thinking I could "enjoy and control" my drinking?
Mere hours.
This is the TRUE danger.
I don't know what the consensus is on this among recovering alcoholics. Is there a general recommendation, an unwritten rule, or is this one of those things we have to decide as individuals striving for growth, maturity, and wisdom in our recovery?
For me, personally, I now know that cooking with beverage-quality alcohol is OUT. I saw where my brain went at warp speed after a few seconds in the wine aisle.
That's a PLACE and a THING I have to avoid.
I'm okay with cooking wine, cooking sherry, and and wine vinegars. Even at my most desperate, I never drank any of those.
(Body splash, mouthwash... yes. And that's why I don't keep those in the house.)
But, some alcoholics might not be okay with ANY of those ingredients, and that's okay for them.
But... Have you thought about this?
What about extracts and flavorings? An extract BY DEFINITION contains alcohol. I remember a girl in high school who drank Wintergreen extract to get drunk.
Does that mean you can't use vanilla or almond extract in baking?
Just how far do you take this?
I'm asking, because I truly don't know. I don't think there can be hard and fast rules, applicable to every alcoholic, regarding this issue, either.
This is where we each have to be rigorously honest with ourselves. Pay attention to what specifically triggers us physically, psychologically, emotionally, and then studiously, determinedly, consistently avoid those things.
Which can be hard.
I know.
I live in Florida, where wine is sold in every grocery, discount, dollar, drug, and convenience store.
It's a matter of the mind, or mind over matter, I guess.
I put on metaphorical blinders, and quickly walk away from wine displays and endcaps. At Walmart, I go grab my Lipton Diet Citrus Green Tea, and immediately exit the aisle, since it's also the wine and beer aisle.
Go figure.
It's habitual now. It's only when I took those blinders off and allowed myself to stroll down both the wine section and Memory Lane that I fell into stinking thinking.
I'm not going to let this incident weigh on my mind or get me into a bad state emotionally. I AM going to let it serve as a reminder that my recovery is precious and deserves my purposeful awareness, attention, protection, and respect.
The slope is slippery.
But, the journey is comprised of many paths, and avoiding the slippery places, the traps, and pitfalls means choosing our individual paths carefully, thoughtfully, wisely, responsibly.
But, above all, HONESTLY.
.
