Monday, November 28, 2005

Woo-Hoo! I'm Syndicated, Baby!

Got this in an email today:


Our editors have selected your newsfeed to be featured in one of our Top 10 Sources sites. You can view the site that features your site by clicking here:

So, at first I'm thinking it's a hoax, and I won't click on anything, but then I googled the bit, got to the site, and actually found where I was listed, so it's not a hoax.

I have mixed emotions about this, mainly because this was my semi-private blog, and I express a lot of emotions and talk candidly about a lot of stuff in it that I don't want to have come back up IRL and bite me in the butt. So the paranoid part of me is going, "Ooooh. Not a good thing for the secrecy and privacy issues."

But, to be perfectly honest, another part of me is going "Yeah, Baby! You're on the radar now!"

How shallow is that?

Friday, November 18, 2005

5 Weeks and Counting . . .

Maybe it's not a good thing to count. I've been sober for over 5 weeks now (it was 5 weeks Wednesday), but I haven't been to AA for over 3 weeks, so I'm a little scared that I'm being too complacent, and that by doing nothing, I'm setting myself up for a relapse. SO . . . I'm going to kick myself in the butt and make sure I get to a meeting Monday (I really like that meeting - it's the all women, small group thing).

I'm not really jonesing for a drink, but I still get that little mumps-gland twinge when I see wine at the grocery store, or see ads for cocktail mixers or cocktail recipes, so I know I'm just fooling myself and playing with fire not to keep going to meetings.

I have to admit, though, that part of why I don't like going is that there seems to be this attitude of "you can't do this without us," and while I think there's a ton of strength in the form of encouragement, support, and solidarity and the ability to be candid and totally honest, AA is not the be-all and end-all of a person's ability to stay sober. I know I'm flirting with danger here, kinda appearing to be heading off in the I-can-freakin'-do-this-on-my-own territory, but there is a balance. Yes, AA is a wonderful resource, but there's a lot to be said for finding the strength we have within, too. They are not mutually exclusive, but what bugs me about AA is that AA tends to ignore or deny the element of individual, personal strength, ability, and determination that I think has to go hand-in-hand with the decision to not drink and stay on the path of recovery.

That's all I've got to say about that, at least for now. I've been really busy with a new "career" venture, which is the main reason I haven't been going to meetings or posting, but I'm starting to become a little discouraged in that arena, so I know I have to really be on my guard right now.