I just got back from a glorious week, skiing in Colorado. It had been more than 15 years since I'd been skiing, and I was pleasantly amazed at how it all came back to me. I took a refresher course, too, so I'm totally pumped now!
Unfortunately, it wasn't such a good week for me in the sobriety department. Not only did I not tell anyone on the trip with me that I have a problem with alcohol, but I chose to drink every day, and to excess on two occasions.
If I had just made the decision not to drink without making a big deal about it, that would have been okay.
Or even if I had said to my friend who invited me, "Hey, I am trying to go alcohol-free this year," that would have been cool.
No one was pressuring me to drink.
I just did because it was an opportunity to do it and get away with it, since neither my husband, nor any friends I've shared my problem with were on the trip.
The opportunity didn't sneak up on me, either. I thought about it for weeks before. This would be a chance for me to drink without censure.
I know I should be feeling ashamed and guilty, but I'm just feeling numb about it at this point.
I don't feel good about it, but I'm not sure I want to think that much about it at all. Because to do so will mean having to make choices I don't feel ready to make right now.