Miles Away from The Happiest Place on Earth

I am an on a three hour flight back home to Winter Haven, Florida, having come up to Michigan Thursday for my oldest nephew’s wedding. The wedding was lovely, the bride was beautiful, and the food and DJ were okay. The weather was beyond cold.

I should be happy.

What I am is tired, hungry, in need of the potty, and pissed off.

Why?

I’m flying into Orlando. As in home of Disney World. As in every kid’s dream destination: The Happiest Place on Earth.

I’m flying Frontier Air today.

First and last time. Period. #WorstAirlineEver

To start out on the right, or rather, the WRONG foot, their website and app are USELESS.

You cannot check-in online. I tried numerous times. Coming and going.
On my phone. On my tablet. On Roy’s laptop. Mobile Site. Desktop Site. App.

Nothing. Bumpkis. Nada.

Okay. Whatever. So I get to the airport, return the rental car, and wait in line. Cost $45 to carry on OR check my bag, so I check. Go through security, which was significantly more stringent in Grand Rapids than in Orlando. Go figure.

Notice ALL the kids and think, “Great… This is not going to be The Flight From Hell AT ALL.”

*SIGH*

Sure enough, not even halfway into the flight, it’s… Actually not as bad as I feared.

Except for the one kid.

Who continues to scream and sob not-stop.

And I mean, I get it. I do. He’s tired, bored, and cranky. He needs a nap. He needs some durn Benadaryl. He needs to just STOP. Besides, this is not an infant. He’s at least three and he should know better.

For the first time in a VERY long time, the thought goes through my head that a dirty martini would make this entire situation more bearable. Just a fleeting thought, but it's there, nonetheless, and I have to acknowledge it and quash it. Because, I don't do that anymore. Period. End of story. Finito.

So. I can’t sleep. I have to pee and the Fasten Seatbelts Sign is on. Again. My eyes hurt and my vision is blurry due to lack of sleep (never can sleep the night before traveling), so I can’t read. I have a movie I can watch, but I don’t think I can enjoy it because of needing to pee.

Did I mention I REALLY need to pee?

So, I’m going to focus a moment on what I have to be grateful for right now.

I am grateful for:

1. My oldest nephew finding lasting love.
2. My wonderful family, including my 80 year old parents
3. My husband who will be waiting for me at the airport in Orlando
4. Mothers who give their children Benadryl before flying (bless you)
5. Adult diapers, one of which I wish I were wearing right now
6. Almost eleven years of sobriety
7. Frontier (at least to my knowledge), has not yet been the subject of an #AirDisasters episode
8. That I type so slow, we now only have 45 minutes left to go before landing

Did you know, takeoff and landing are the most dangerous portions of a flight?

Working Girl?

Took a teller assessment test for a possible job with a bank yesterday and PASSED! Also had a call from HR about an hour ago, but we're playing phone tag right now so haven't actually spoken to her yet today.

I really need a job, and although this may not be THE one, it's definitely attractive, so I can't help being excited.  Have no idea about the pay, but I know they have benefits, reasonable hours, and it's close to home, so with the price of gas these days, that's definitely a factor.  Right now, we need to pay down our debt and replace at least one of our vehicles, so ANYTHING would help, and this is much better than just anything! 

Did I mention I'm excited?!?!

Plus, just passing the test and getting the call is such a boost to my deflated sense of self-worth after submitting so many resumes and applications with absolutely no response, except an automated one acknowledging reception of the submission.

So I'm just a LITTLE excited.

OMG! The HR person just called me back! I'VE GOT AN INTERVIEW SCHEDULED NEXT WEEK!!

Please keep me in your prayers! I know my Higher Power is in this entire situation and has my best interest at heart, so please pray that I will accept His direction and know that if this job isn't the one for me, He will lead me to the one that is.

xoxo

Open Windows

Just a super-quick update, because I've got to start getting ready for work.

I was only out of work for 2 weeks -- amazing in this economy! What's more amazing to me is that I didn't grow despondent. Of course, I went through some short bouts of depression and the "I suck, nobody will ever hire me" phase, but I was able to keep praying, keep talking, and keep actively seeking and following up on leads.

Long story short: I have a NEW JOB!!!! at another real estate company which specializes in luxury condominiums and estate homes, I'm making much more and get paid by salary, not hourly (although they pay extra if I work overtime!), and I'm learning TONS! It's in a beautiful location, right on the beach, so I can take a break and watch people surf, or roll up my pants legs and walk in the surf, if I want.

The only downsides are that I got the job partly because they had to fire the woman who normally would have trained me, and they had to hire a second assistant who is equally as green, if not more so, so we're the blind leading the blind, in a situation where we can't afford the luxury of not being up to speed. But, I feel as if things are starting to click, and I'm getting a handle on what my responsibilities are, and what I need to do to be a true asset to my employers.

God is indeed faithful! Thank goodness, too, that through my program of recovery, I am learning to deal with things as they come, and to rest in the knowledge that I never have to face anything alone, and that there is something to be learned when trials come. Staying open and trusting that things were in the hands of my HP, as long as I wasn't just sitting on my butt, were key to the peace of mind I had for those 2 weeks of joblessness.

I know 2 weeks isn't anything. I'm incredibly blessed to have gotten a job so quickly -- moreover, one that is better than the one I had -- and I am filled with amazement and gratitude.

Just a Receptionist

(I wrote this on March 9th, but never posted it here. I was going to start another blog about my new job, but don't know if that's something I want to commit to right now. Anyway, this is what I wrote, and I think it's very apropos to this blog!)

I’m just a receptionist. At age 51. Making $10 an hour.

And I love it! I love my job, I love my boss, and I love my life.

I couldn’t say that one year ago. A year ago, I was a rarely employed, unmotivated freelance web designer. I had no confidence in myself or my abilities and talents, and I certainly had no confidence that others would be able to see, acknowledge, and appreciate them.

A year ago, I wondered how many more years my life would go on with nothing to look forward to, nothing to get up in the morning for, nothing that brought me any joy.

Today, I remember feeling that way, and it both awes and scares me. Awes me because now I rarely have those moments of such deep despondence and despair that I would rather just not continue to live. I still get overwhelmed, but I think I’m learning to face what I fear and to what through it, not perfectly, but still coming out on the other side, knowing I’ve made it through. It does scare me though, because I know that if I again become unaware or nonchalant or negligent, I can get back there faster than I can imagine.

And I don’t want that.

I want this. This new life, this new chance, this beginning of a new journey. The saying goes that a journey of a thousand miles begins with the first step. That’s why I’m okay with a receptionist position and a receptionist pay level.

Because at least I’ve taken that first step back into life. And I only need to look ahead and take the next step and the next, being careful to be aware of my footing and any obstacles, but moving forward. Always moving forward.

Cycle of Life

My mom called me on Tuesday to tell me me a close friend of hers (and of our family) had died of lung cancer. It was quite a shock; I hadn't even known she was ill.

This lady was my mother's best friend all through high school, and they kept in touch throughout the years since. They both got married while still in high school, and had their first babies within six weeks of each other. When my parents eloped, Faye and her husband were the witnesses at their little civil ceremony, and Faye took the only exisiting snapshots of their nuptials.

When I was growing up, my great-grandfather lived in Fort Meyers, and whenever my family visited him, we'd head over to north Miami to visit Faye and her family for a few days, too. Faye's daughter was six weeks older than me, and even though we saw each other very infrequently, we shared a bond.

I called my mother yesterday to discuss Thanksgiving plans, and she told me that she'd found out that Faye's visitation was scheduled for that evening in the town next to us. I said I'd go and pay my respects.

I went about the day, not really feeling anything one way or the other about Faye's death. As I said, it was a shock, but I hadn't seen her or any of her family for years. My last conversation with her was when she called me to tell me she and her husband would not be able to attend my parents' 50th wedding anniversary celebration.

R was watching the news, and I decided to go and drop off my prescriptions at Walgreens, so they'd be ready to pick up when we went out later. I got to the pharmacy and couldn't find the prescriptions. I came home and searched frantically for them, and became convinced that they must have fallen out of my purse and been thrown in the trash and Walgreens.

I had a total meltdown, crying hysterically, and telling myself how stupid and irresponsible and disorganized I was, inwardly seething at R for refusing to get involved in my drama. I was aware that my emotional outburst had nothing to do with the actual circumstances of losing my prescriptions (which of course, I had misplaced and found later), but I couldn't pinpoint what the true cause was.

It wasn't until I saw my friend that I understood that my emotions were grief and fear. Grief for the loss of someone who had impacted my life, and who had been such an important part of my mother's life. Grief for my friend's loss of her mother. Fear of feeling uncomfortable, of not having the right words to say. Fear of the reality of death, and the prospect of losing my own parents. Faye was a year and a half younger than my mother, and she's dead. I still think of my mom as being relatively young (she's only 19 years older than I am), but the fact is she's 70 now. My dad is 70 now. I'm older, and they're older, and death is part of the cycle of life.

I am so thankful that I went last night, and was there for J, my friend. When I walked in, she said, "Do I recognize that face? Is that a face for me?" We hugged and held each other. Even though it had been years since we'd seen one another, that connection was still there. We shared memories and tears and laughter.

I am so grateful for the gift of sobriety, even though it means I have to feel my emotions and deal with them, rather than ignoring and numbing them. When I was drinking, I would not have gone. I would have been overwhelmed with the emotions I couldn't identify and would have wanted to obliterate them immediately. I would have drunk, maybe just a little to calm my nerves at first, but I would have gotten too drunk to go.

Instead, I was able to go and support my friend. Thank you, God.

If It Ain't Broke...

Okay, so I made the switch, and upgraded my template to one of the "layout" versions, where you can drop and drag stuff, and change the font colors and page elements, etc.

All good, lotsa fun, etc.

Except, NOW, people who haven't yet made the switch, or aren't using the "layout" templates or SOMETHING ELSE I DON'T HAVE ANY FREAKIN' IDEA OF are showing up as "Anonymous" in the comments.

Does anyone know what's up with this, and if it can be fixed?

I'm wishing now I had just left things as they were.

I'm going to try to get to the bottom of this, and if there's a fix, implement it, but I'm not sure if that's even an option (yet) with this new version of Blogger. So, Blogging Peeps, can you please bear with this situation for now, and just add your name to your post when you comment?

I should have just left well enough alone. You know what they say: If it ain't broke, don't fix it.

*Sigh*

Saturday Gratitudes

• Right now, this is the worst of my problems.


• Skiing in Vail is only a week away!!!


• Great fellowship with my church homegroup (not AA) last night.


• Great meetings (AA) this week.


• A speaker meeting to look forward to later today.


• So far, I've not been struck with the cold and flu crud everyone else is getting (knock on wood).


• Getting healthier and stronger, mentally, physically and spiritually.


• My metabolism finally kicking into a higher gear.


• My sweet hubby.


• My (mostly) sweet kitty-kat.


• Awesome blogging peeps.


• Awesome RL peeps.


• AA offers us a solution.


• God never gives up on us or abandons us.


• Relief from frustration and stress is only as far away as my knees and my Nikes.