Maybe it's not a good thing to count. I've been sober for over 5 weeks now (it was 5 weeks Wednesday), but I haven't been to AA for over 3 weeks, so I'm a little scared that I'm being too complacent, and that by doing nothing, I'm setting myself up for a relapse. SO . . . I'm going to kick myself in the butt and make sure I get to a meeting Monday (I really like that meeting - it's the all women, small group thing).
I'm not really jonesing for a drink, but I still get that little mumps-gland twinge when I see wine at the grocery store, or see ads for cocktail mixers or cocktail recipes, so I know I'm just fooling myself and playing with fire not to keep going to meetings.
I have to admit, though, that part of why I don't like going is that there seems to be this attitude of "you can't do this without us," and while I think there's a ton of strength in the form of encouragement, support, and solidarity and the ability to be candid and totally honest, AA is not the be-all and end-all of a person's ability to stay sober. I know I'm flirting with danger here, kinda appearing to be heading off in the I-can-freakin'-do-this-on-my-own territory, but there is a balance. Yes, AA is a wonderful resource, but there's a lot to be said for finding the strength we have within, too. They are not mutually exclusive, but what bugs me about AA is that AA tends to ignore or deny the element of individual, personal strength, ability, and determination that I think has to go hand-in-hand with the decision to not drink and stay on the path of recovery.
That's all I've got to say about that, at least for now. I've been really busy with a new "career" venture, which is the main reason I haven't been going to meetings or posting, but I'm starting to become a little discouraged in that arena, so I know I have to really be on my guard right now.
3 comments:
Hey great news, well done! Its 11 weeks for me. I couldnt do AA, the powerlessness thing just gave me a bigger excuse to drink! I've found the Rational Recover AVRT approach more my thing. Let me know if you want any info? I feel so much better. Keep at it and keep posting!
Good job; just keep going day by day! You should be very proud of yourself.
Grace: Hey! 11 weeks -- WOWZA!! That's wonderful! I did a little research online on AVRT back when I was trying to figure out what would work best for me, and their approach doesn't really appeal to me, either, so I'm not really too interested in pursuing it, but thanks so much for the offer of info! I STILL haven't gone to a meeting, and now I'm at that point where I'm almost embarassed to go back because it's been so long since I've been there, which is totally stupid, I know. I want my 30 day chip, but now I'm thinking I might as well wait until it's 60 days (but I can't remember if you get one then, or if you have to wait 'til 90 days). Oh well.
RSG: Thanks!! I still haven't gotten that template finished and sent to you like I promised!! Yikes!!! I'll really try to remember to do it tomorrow or Tuesday at the latest.
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