This is all my own doing. I'm filled with guilt, remorse and regret about spending over $1,000 in the course of 2 days, ordering items online in duplicate sizes, various styles, etc. All for a wedding it turns out we're NOT attending.
Damage control. Must get these items back to the stores and get refunds on the 3 different credit cards I used BEFORE my husband sees the bills, or gets a call from a creditor inquiring about "unusual activity."
I did hesitate at first, or at least before making the first purchase. Actually waited and agonized for a couple of days, but then I allowed the fear of not having the "right" thing to wear (OK, let's be RIGOROUSLY HONEST here: not having something NEW that made me feel "special") take over and ignite the spark that set the fire ablaze.
COVET, SPEND, ACQUIRE, COVET, SPEND, ACQUIRE, COVET... It is an endless and, indeed, vicious cycle.
Yes, I can still do some "damage control," even though the stores are over an hour away from here, which means I'll either have to admit to my husband what I've done BEFORE taking steps to rectify the damage (heaven forbid!) or wait until Monday and hope Bonnie Blue makes it up to Germantown and back without incident.
It would be simpler to go ahead and tell him.
But my pride and fear are holding me back. Not wanting to be judged, not wanting to see and feel his anger and disappointment, not wanting to mar this otherwise nice weekend we are having.
In my heart, I know it's better to be honest, to not hold back, to swallow my pride and move forward through my fear. DO IT AFRAID. That's what my therapist tells me. It's probably the only way I will really be able to confront this HUGE character defect and begin taking steps to overcome it.
I have to be honest with MYSELF first, but knowledge is useless unless acted upon.
I KNOW this. It's just so darn scary sometimes to take that first step.
2 comments:
I think there is something about honesty in our literature?
I can understand your hesitancy though. When I spend money recklessly is when I am most grateful to be single. I would not care to explain some of my activities to another. At all.
Good luck with whatever you decide.
Yeah, it's just that sometimes I choose to ignore the "rigourous" part. Actually, what is amazing is how my HP IMMEDIATELY provided an opportunity for that honesty with hubby to take place then & there. Will write about it in next post, hopefully later 2day. Thx so much for stopping by & commenting, MC. I try not to get all caught up in the "nobody's reading my blog so why post" mentality, and to remember I'm doing it for me first, but it sure is nice to have a comment to read once in a while! xo, PJ (formerly DesignerGrrl)
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