Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Running To Nowhere

I'm tired. Slept until 3:30 PM. I know it's part depression, part exhaustion, too much running, not enough healing in between workouts, etc.

When I awoke, I had a voice message from the HR person of the company I've now interviewed with twice for different positions. She said they had just posted another 30 hour position and I should apply for it right away.


So I can go through all the stress of the application process itself, having to explain in detail my 2 DUIs, the last of which occurred 20 years ago (oh, yes; they ask and tell you not to leave anything out!), then wait to hear if I get an interview, and then go through the stress of the interview itself, followed by the interminable waiting afterward until I hear (or don't) that they've hired someone else for it?

I'm tired and depressed. I know I should call the HR person before 5 PM and thank her effusively for the information and opportunity.

But I'm exhausted emotionally and physically.  My meds have run out and I don't have a refill, and haven't found a shrink here yet (laziness and inertia again) to get a new script for my antidepressants. I'm out of cigarettes, and I don't know if I have enough strength mentally and/or physically to go for an endorphin producing run.

I feel like I'm on a hamster wheel.

And I just want them to stop the damn thing so I can get off it.


PJ said...

Update: Did call the HR person before 5 PM. Left her a VM thanking her and assuring her I'd apply for the position. Also went out and bought cigs (in my running clothes, no less!) and am now planning to go for at least a 3 mile run.

And yes, I will apply for the position once I get back from running. *SIGH*

PJ said...

Update 2: Just got back from running. Will apply for the position after I've jacuzzied, showered and had a snack (although I should just shower and get my butt to an 8 PM meeting!).

PJ said...

Update 3: Went to the 8:00 PM meeting (was about 10 minutes late, but at least I WENT!). Just submitted my application for the job, so we'll see what happens.

Sober Julie said...

That's awesome, sometimes if we walk the walk the heart catches up