Saturday, April 23, 2011

We Will Not Regret the Past...But Can I Have a Do-Over?


Just discovered something you should NEVER do on Facebook.

Search for your ex.

Especially "the one that got away."

You know.

The one relationship you really blew.

That if you had a chance to do over, knowing what you know now, you'd jump into that DeLorean without looking back.

He's handsome. Successful. Married to a gorgeous wife with 2 gorgeous kids.

That could have been my life... SHOULD have been my life... if only...

If only I hadn't cheated on him.

If only I hadn't been going through a major depressive episode during a good part of our relationship.

If only I hadn't told him about all the other guys before him, because that's when he really was shattered and the relationship was doomed.

Shoulda. Coulda. Woulda.

The past is the past.

The present is now.

The future is to be... what I choose to make it.

Would my life have been different if I hadn't screwed up that relationship? Would it have been better?

I don't know.

No one knows, and it's not important.

To think that way is dangerous and delusional.

The "if onlys" only lead to regret, resentment and discontentment.

So, I will leave the past behind. I will not regret it or shut the door on it, but I will leave it in the past.

The present is now. I can choose to find the beauty and joy this moment holds, or I can choose to be miserable and to wallow in the mire of inertia.

The future is to come. I can help shape my destiny by the choices I make today. I can set goals and take action to attain them. I can realize that no matter how miserable or regrettable my past may seem, it is filled with experiences I have learned from, that have shaped me, made me stronger.

So... I can choose to search out old loves on Facebook and wistfully dream of the life I MIGHT have had...

...OR, I can celebrate the present in which I'm married to a man I love and respect, who stood by me through the worst days and years of both our lives, and I can honor him and what we have and stop searching for who and what might have been.

Sounds like a no-brainer to me!


Sober Julie said...

Wow, I would like to commend you, the last paragraph allowed me to see how you've changed!
Well done.

Jeremy said...

I can relate! It's beautiful to see your growth

chris mcdermott said...

(I read your profile) I'm sure you've already discovered "Confessions of a Jane Austen Addict" but just in case you haven't you may enjoy it...I'm about 1/2 way through the audiobook version, finding it rather fun - but as for your blog...I googled "regret the past nor choose..." and there you were. Thanks! Needed to hear it! Was just pondering out loud at a meeting last night why I couldn't just dump those old sad guilty memories in the goodbye bin. As for the facebooking (and also I'm guilty of googling) ex's -- Lord give me the strength to un-friend mine and leave the "old me" guys un-googled. It just does no good! My present is worth celebrating too! Amazing there was a "normie" man out there who fell in love with being a hard-headed, low-bottom drunk. (I will still plan to leave my partner for Colin Firth however, should the chance arise)...
Enjoy your happy road!