Things I'd LIKE To Say

This is a draft from way back in 2011 when I had just started working at my bank teller job from which I was fired this past December. Guess it never did quite work out for me... Anyway, back then, I guess I was scared that someone from Real Life would see it, and I'd be Deuced as a result. Now, that's moot,  so might as well put it out there for the world to see.

(An ironic and amusing aside: this customer eventually became one of my favorites and would wait for me to serve her.)

Stupid? Maybe. But at nearly 61 years of age, I no longer give a rat's patootie! So here it is: the post that never was supposed to see the light of day:

Yesterday was the busisest day in a grueling week at work.  We didn't even get lunch hours. Just ordered pizza and tried to grab a few bites between customers.

For some reason, it seems people are ruder today than they've ever been, or maybe I've just been out of face-to-face customer contact for too long and have forgotten.

Whatever the reason, yesterday seemed to bring out the loonies, and I seemed to end up with the lion's share of them.

OR, it may be that I'm more anxious and irritable since I'm trying to stop smoking ONE MORE TIME.

Anyhoo, the worst of the day was the older lady who asked me point blank, "Why are you so slow doing this?"

The comment caught me so off guard, that instead of blinking back the immediately welling tears and choosing to respond gently or laughing it off or just plain ignoring her rudeness, I did the unthinkable.

I retorted.

"Ma'am, you're perfectly free to choose to go to a different teller in the future!" I finished up the transaction, practically threw her money at her and wished her a good weekend.

No apology. From either of us.

What I SHOULD have said was, "Oh, I apologize, but we've been so busy I was finishing up the transaction before yours, and I'm new so I'm still working on getting my speed up.  Let's see... just cashing a check? Here you go, Mrs. So-and-So. Thanks so much for your patience, and have a wonderful weekend."

What I wanted to say, and in some ways wish I COULD say is this:

1. Oh, I'm sorry, Mrs. So-and-So, but I don't know you from Adam's housecat, and you've provided no ID with the check you want to cash, so I'm having to look up your account and customer information and make a judgment call on whether to offend you by asking for your driver's license, or just take a chance and cash a $100 check for a complete stranger.
2. Excuse me? Really?? Weren't you raised with better manners than that?
3. Why are you so damn ugly?
4. Why are you such a bitch?
5. Why are you so rude?
6. I realize I've possibly waited on you in the past 6 weeks I've been here, and I know I really should remember you out of the 1200 customers I serve every week, even though I've probably only seen you once or twice, but I don't. You come in here and hand me a check and expect me to fork over money without knowing for sure this account belongs to you, and I want to take a few precautions to ensure that you are who you say you are and I'm not helping someone else have access to your money.
7. I don't work the drive-thru. That means I don't have a machine that spits money out for me that I don't have to verify.  I actually have to physically get money out of my drawer and COUNT it before I give it to you. Twice.
8. Because I need another cup of coffee. Be a doll, and walk over to McDonald's and get me a large, will ya? 2 creams, no sugar.
9. It's a genetic defect. What's your excuse?
10. Because I'm exhausted from having to wait on customers like you all week. Here's your money. Now get outta my face.

Oh, and one more thing I'd like to say: SCREW YOU, REGIONS BANK!!

(Uh-oh. Did I just type that out loud??)