This, Too, Shall Pass

This post was written back in September of 2018. I didn't publish it then, as there was still a very slim chance the situation with my husband's former employer could be resolved. That didn't happen, and although my husband was quickly rehired by the employer he'd worked for prior to the one referenced here, we are still living in a state of prolonged uncertainty.

It's still hard. Most of the time, we are apart, as his job is in another state and we aren't sure of it's duration. Meanwhile, we have our house here, and making a decision to sell or not has proven to be difficult for a number of reasons.

But, we continue to trust.

I'm numb

My husband just dropped a bombshell. He's had a terrible week, and it's kind of the culmination of a bad, incredibly high-pressure, stressful 8 months.

His credibility and expertise in his field, and specifically, its application in his new job is being questioned, and he's being undermined and blamed for things that are beyond his control. Basically, he's being made the scapegoat by his boss, who has over promised on crucial deadlines and has severely underestimated how quickly they can have a viable product.

He's utterly miserable, and feels deceived and betrayed by his boss, who talked him into giving up our lives in Mississippi and moving here.

The 2 plus years have been among the most trying for us, as, up until January, we lived in a constant state of uncertainty, waiting for this project to come to fruition. When it finally did, it was as if a great weight had lifted, and we finally could move forward.

We started to take steps in that direction, buying a house, preparing for the big move.

Now, my husband isn't sure he can stay in this job, and I can't say I'm completely surprised. You can only get thrown under the bus so much before you're flattened.

I don't know how to feel, how to pray. I think I'm a little bit in shock.

I've trusted God when all seemed lost before, but my husband and I both believed so strongly that we were following His leading in coming here, and we didn't waver, even when nothing was panning out. We thought God had answered our prayers when things finally came together in January.

My husband says his faith is not shaken. But, if I'm completely honest, I have to admit that mine is. Not so much in God's leading, but in our ability to discern what it truly is, and whether we're just trying to make what we want into God's will.

If life is showing us that our ability to discern God's direction and will for us is sadly lacking, how do we even move forward at all, let alone with any confidence?

I get that we won't necessarily understand God's plan for us  as it is unfolding, and that His ways are higher than ours, but it is disheartening to wonder if we may have completely missed the mark.

All we can do is continue to pray, to trust, and to OBEY to the best of our understanding. It may be that all of this happened for a reason that will one day become clear to us,  even if only when we meet Him face to face.