Well, I've ended up drinking for most of an entire week now, but somehow, I've managed not to do it publicly, or even in a way that my DH knows, although I think he may just be in extreme denial of the obvious.
I've reached that point again, though, where I'm just questioning why I'm doing it in the first place. It's not relieving any stress, I'm not even enjoying it (can't seem to get a good buzz going, and I end up realizing I've gone over the edge where it's too much and not pleasant at all), and combined with the HRT, I've managed to pack on an extra 4 to 5 pounds in a week's time (I also tend to eat a lot more when I drink, unlike many drinkers who eat nothing or eat less, and I eat food that's higher in fat and calories than I normally do). On my small-boned 5-foot frame, that's quite a bit extra, and it shows, and is impacting my wardrobe very negatively (as in, nothing at all fits except for sweat pants). Maybe it's because I've drunk mostly vodka this time, rather than wine, that I'm not enjoying it. Whatever, the reason, I just feel like I'm ready to give sobriety another good long shot.
I do have to say that one reason I had such good luck with it for nearly a month is that my DH was home (he didn't work all that time), so 1) I didn't really have the opportunity I normally do with him being gone during the week to purchase alcohol, and then to have uninterrupted hours to drink, and 2) I wasn't lonely and depressed, so I wasn't motivated to drink, as I normally am. I think the most difficult thing for me to learn to do will be just to cope on a daily, or even hourly basis when I'm by myself, and not want to just numb my senses and while away the time by losing it in a stupor.
6 comments:
I so identify with "I'm just questioning why I'm doing it in the first place."...I've been at that stage for ages. Although your point about lonliness is valid. Living with 2 kids is hectic but without the company of an adult it does get lonely. I tried to take a pic of my stomach for that half-nAAked Thurs thing we do on the blog and was SHOCKED at the size of it! It hangs over my waistband, I've never been this size. So amny calories in alcohol and I tend to eat more when drinking too, snacks etc. I just got the AVRT book so am going to have a go at that approach. Maybe I just got no will power but I really dont like drinking now! Ho hum, onward we go!
How you doing Pam? I've been reading a book on AVRT (addiction voice recognition technique) and am finding it very helpful. Am away on holiday for a few days, catch up when I get back. Hope you are well, xx
Hi, Grace. I'm okay. Just not doing great with the abstinence thing. I could kick myself for getting off-track again. I'm so burned out that I have hardly been online the past week or so. I've got to try to figure out what's going on and get myself out of this funk.
Hi Pam, sorry I havent been by, thought I'd lost the email with your link, but traced it through my 'sent items' folder. How are things now? I expect this comment was added a while ago? I'm doing OK, I've read the Rational Recovery book on AVRT and find it really good. About 1 month now, the longest I've abstained in years! Let me know if you want any info, it works for me! Catch up soon? xxx
Pam, just to let you know my blog has moved to: http://www.soberthoughts2.blogspot.com, I deleted the other one! Hope you are well :-)
So glad you left this in my comments, Grace!! I was just going to visit you and kept getting the Blogger "URL not Found" page and wast starting to panic!!
Then I thought, "Knowing Grace, she's left a comment saying where she's gone, if she has indeed left or moved!" And sure enough, you have. Thanks!! (Coming to see you at your new spot now.)
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