Under The Weather

My honey and me are both sick.

Chest congestion, nasty coughs, and now upper respiratory symptoms as well.

I think I got it on the airplane from Denver to Atlanta, but truth be told, I could have been exposed in any number of ways at any point in my time away skiing.

Since I came down with it first, I'm actually feeling a little better than my PBH (Precious Baby Husband, if you must know must know -- ooh, did you just throw up in your mouth?), I am trying to take care of him and dote on him, make him comfortable, and generally fuss over him.

The odd thing is, this is the first time I can remember maybe ever actually wanting to do this because I love and cherish him.

In the past, I did it grudgingly, muttering under my breath, and building a growing sense of anger and resentment.

Why? Who knows.

I was angry and resentful about everything back then.  I felt that life was generally unfair, and in addition, that I'd been dealt the most pathetic hand in history, that I'd drawn the shortest straw since the dawn of woman. I hated my life and resented and hated my husband for not allowing me to develop into whatever my full potential was meant to be.

Not that I had a clue what that was or looked like.

It was just so much easier to blame someone else, someone close to me -- someone I love, someone I had committed to spending the rest of my life with -- for all my unhappiness and my failure to accomplish anything or to achieve any sense of purpose and meaning in my life.

Ya know what? I still don't know what my purpose, my destiny -- whatever you want to call it -- in life is.

The difference is that today, I don't obsess as much over it.

I've learned over the past 3 and 3/4 years that I may not see the big picture right now -- maybe NEVER -- but that's okay.

More will be revealed.

My responsibility is to be focused, alive, and aware of the cues and of what is going on around me right now, in the present moment.  To respond to that and to do my best to live in a way that reflects my relationship with my Higher Power, and the love the he has for me, and that he wants me to share with those around me.

So, perhaps it's that Love that's motivating me right now to be kind, compassionate, caring, tender and loving toward my husband, to nurse and nurture him while he's weak and vulnerable, to do whatever I can to help him heal and regain his health and strength quickly.

Whatever the reason, the motivation is, I like it.  I like the change.  I like the serenity that comes with it.

And I like me better, too.