I'm in a crappy place emotionally. I'm feeling very sorry for me. I hate this, but I don't know how to make myself shake this depression off and get happy. I try, but it just doesn't seem to take. I know this is temporary. I know it will pass. I just hate it and I hate how it makes me feel and how I treat people I love when I feel like crap.
I am grateful for the comments you fellow alkie bloggers have left. I'm just too pissy to post anything meaningful and upbeat and really heavy on the gratitude side right now.
I haven't been to a meeting since Friday night, and have GOT to get to one tomorrow night. I've been thinking about drinking again, and I know it's the lack of meeting attendance, coupled with being so depressed about moving.
We took the first Penske truck-load down on Sunday (13 hours of driving in my car by myself, but Stephen King's Cell on tape made it bearable). We left my car down there, so now, no car for 2 weeks, which sucks.
What sucks big-time, though, is just how final this is. Moving to an old, dirty, and very small house in a very strange town very far from everyone and everything I know and love.
I know absolutely no one down there, I'm going to nothing familiar, nothing's in place job-wise, or anything else. It's all just unknowns and fear. That's all I can see. I just kept breaking down and weeping yesterday and this morning.
I just can't get past this, and it's making me want to drink. I know drinking won't help, though.
But, it would make my feelings go away for a while, which is why it's so tempting.
4 comments:
At least you can talk about it.
The whole moving thing IS a big challenge. You will soon get to know people, hopefully some good people in recovery who can help you in this transition.
Keep us informed, please.
There are no requirements to writing your emotions, you are real and whether you are in a good place or bad place emotionally.
It is easier from an outsider who is not going thru what you are now to say hang in there! -- no but really, I trust there are some hidden miracles waiting for you to ignite as you venture into this new chapter.
This is what it is, a new chapter in your life. Sometimes we carry stuff over from the old chapter, but it is the process of the story.
Allow yourself to see the miracles of this chapter.
Keep writing, this is you. Thank you for this post.
First of all, don't ever apologize for your feelings. This blog is for YOU--we're just lucky enough to be spectators. You don't owe your readers spiritually uplifting posts.
Second, don't waste any time finding a good meeting in your town. Hopefully it will help ease the transition. If not, online meetings can do in a pinch.
Lastly, don't do it. Don't use, don't drink. You know why...
Long car trips alone? Go to xa-speakers.org and download Kip C., Ed M, Bill C, Serenity Sam, and burn them onto CD or puet 'em on your iPod. Each one's about an hour long. For something a little longer got to audible.com and get "Living In The Solution". There, now you have something for your long trips, actually anytime is good to listen to them. Now get up, and go to a meeting. You can thank me later.
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