Self Analysis

Hey, all. Everything's going okay. This week was a little difficult because I was inexplicably very volatile emotionally. I kept having those out-of-body moments where I'd be looking at this irrational woman ranting on and on about something absolutely trivial, and knowing that woman was none other than me. I was out of control, and knew it, but just unable to stop. At least I didn't drink, although I was bombarded by intense cravings from out of the blue on several occasions, and certainly fantasized about it before bringing myself up short and derailing those little mind trips.

I'm not sure what's going on. In a lot of ways, I feel like I back to where I was 4 to 5 months ago, and I guess that's pretty accurate in terms of where I was then and where I am now since my last drink. It's just hard to wrap my head around the undeniable fact that a week-long binge puts me back at square one, not just mentally, but apparently, physically, too. I think this is just the systemic "purge" that goes on for a while once you stop putting alcohol into your body. I'd forgotten how shitty that feels, and it's one more of those little factoids that shows me why exactly my life is so much more enjoyable and manageable without alcohol.

The one thing that helps me deal with the physical part of this is running. The days I don't run are the days I find myself depressed, moody, and volatile. I need to start crosstraining on the days I don't run.

I registered to enter my Very First Race. Ever. (Okay, not including elementary school PE.) It's a 5K called Tour of the Gables, and it's 3 weeks from today. I've pretty much been running this distance as my "normal" run, so I don't think endurance will be a problem. I do want to try to increase my speed, though, so I'm going to be focusing more on that in these weeks preceding the race.

I'm worried I'm getting too thin (ha! never thought I'd say that again...), so I think for the next week, I'm going to keep a food journal to monitor my caloric intake. I think what's happened here is that I adjusted my diet to lose weight and eat healthily over the past 4 months, but now that I'm exercising a lot more and am at (really beyond) my goal weight, I need to add back more complex carbs than I have (primarily whole grains, as I'm eating quite a few vegetable and fruit servings a day). I may need to add more protein, too, and maybe more good fat. Anyway, a food journal will help me to analyze and pinpoint what needs to change.

Gotta go. It's getting light and today's my day for a longer run, so I want to get out early.

Gettin' Out While the Gettin's Good

Well, hellooooo, everybody! I'm doing really well mentally, emotionally, physically, spiritually and sobrietally (I don't think sobrietally is a real word, but it should be!); just not in a very blogging frame of mind these days (too focused on other things, I guess).

I'm going to try to do 6 miles this morning (first "official" long run in my new training schedule). Yes, that's right. I've been inspired and challenged by MC's example to try to run a half marathon. The one I really want to do is the Miami Half Marathon (part of the Miami Marathon) in January, so I've got plenty of time to train for it. In the meantime, though, I'm probably going to join a local running group and enter some smaller races so I can get some official times accrued in order to enter the Miami race.

This is all new to me, but it's good for me to have a goal. I don't do well when I have no goals (boy, is that an understatement!). Anyhoo... it's a gorgeous, cool and breezy morning, so I want to get out there while the gettin's good (as we say in the South).

Update:
Well, I did it! 6.08 miles, in fact. It took me 62 minutes, so not great time, but so far, I've just been focusing on building up distance and stamina. I'll have to start working on increasing my speed now, too, I guess!

Pity Party Cancelled

If anyone saw the post earlier (now deleted) where I was feeling oh-so-sorry for myself 'cuz no one was making a big deal over my major big deal milestone 50th birthday, I apologize for subjecting you to my little pity party.

My husband (my WONDERFUL, handsome, loving, sexy husband) surprised me with no less than DIAMOND EARRINGS!!! The present I've wanted ever since we've been married.

When this man comes through, folks, he does it in a big way.

So, now, I'm gonna go eat cake and ice cream and watch Medium. This IS a good day!

5.0 on the Big Five-Oh

Actually, it was 5.30. Miles, that is. (Somehow, I miscalculated a bit when planning out my route).

Today's my natal birthday, and it's a big one. Half a century. The Big Five-Oh. To celebrate in classic Mary Christine style, I was determined to run 5.0 miles. My farthest distance prior to this had been 3.92 miles, but that was on a day which was significantly hotter and more humid, so I knew I had it in me to do this and I JUST DID IT!!!

If I can do this, I feel I can do just about anything.

Got to go... hubby is making me my birthday breakfast and it's just about ready!

Hugs and kisses to all of you! MUAH! xoxo

(Will try to do more of an update later.)

Just Keep On Keepin' On

I've been so wrapped up in myself and feeling ashamed and guilty that I've almost lost the sense of happiness and purpose that I'd begun to experience after having stayed sober for four months (prior to the infamous ski trips).

I think sometimes the guilt and shame are good and necessary, because they are real emotions which remind me of what I don't want to feel and experience on a daily basis. I have to temper that realization with not becoming so weighed down that I can't move forward again, and I think that's where I've been the last several weeks.

I have to move forward again. To embrace a sober, fulfilling, purposeful life. I'd begun to love my life and like myself again, and I want to get back to that place and start growing again.

The only way to do that is just do it, so that's what I'm gonna do.

I turn 50 tomorrow. I want the rest of my life to be one I like and can be proud of.