Heartsick

Still wide awake and so sad.

It's 12:52 AM and I have to get up at 5:30AM.

For work.

To get ready to go to a job that I'm beginning to hate.

A job that saps my self-esteem and confidence.

A job that makes me doubt myself, and makes me feel that I am worthless.

I'm seriously thinking of calling in sick.

After all, I'm sick at heart, sick in the bottom of my soul.

So, it wouldn't really be a lie.

But, that would just exacerbate my boss's frustrations and doubts with me.

But, how can I go in, knowing that he thinks I'm an incompetent idiot who will never learn anything, or change what I'm doing wrong?

Worse still, the one person I thought was my friend has gone behind my back and given him a list of complaints about me and my "performance."

Like she's perfect.

Like she doesn't make the exact same mistakes.

My eyes won't stop tearing, and I can't see to write more.

I hope things look better in the morning.