After a week and a half of drinking again (actually, there were only two occasions where I actually went out and purchased alcohol and got drunk, but I think I have to count the vanilla extract, the peppermint extract, and — dare I admit it?? — the eau de cologne — God, please let that be my bottom!), I've come back to the rooms of AA again. I went to a meeting tonight, my first in 2 weeks.
This was the meeting I wrote about several months ago (before going back out yet once more) that I said gave off a weird vibe and made me feel uncomfortable. The ironic thing is that this has become one of my favorite meetings, and some of the people that "put me off" that first night are ones that I now particularly cherish.
Okay, I'll just say it. You were right, dAAve. And you, too, AAwoken, and Scott W., and Scott.
I felt tonight like I was coming home. I felt totally comfortable and at peace, knowing I was where I should be, and with the people I need in my life. I'm really sad to be leaving these friends behind, but SO glad to know I'll make new friends in the rooms in Dania. (And, they really will be friends.)
Tonight, for the first time, I took part in the "service" part of the meeting, too, reading the Promises, and "taking us out" by beginning the Lord's Prayer at the end. I felt honored to be asked to participate in this way, and again, I just felt like I was really part of that particular fellowship, and I LIKED belonging. I'm really surprised to realize that this has become true. And I'm really content and happy and at peace.
At least tonight.
A peaceful, restful goodnight to you all.
7 comments:
Ouchie on the cologne, but
Wishing you all good things in the world, DG.
Go for it.
So, do you think this new sobriety date is a good one?
Good stuff. Really good.
It took me months! of Coming Back before I got it. Some of us seem pretty hard-headed.
Jenna: Hey, thanks for your comment! Yeah, that was pretty bad. One of those things I thought only "low-lifes" did, and I would NEVER do. It was definitely another wake-up call.
Thanks for the encouragement!
dAAve: Hey, sweetie. Thanks so much for your empathy. Like, what's it gonna take?!?! Right.
Scott W.: Hey, there. I think so. I'm seeing progress in my attitude and thinking, if not my actions so far. I don't think I've been as serious about doing this as I need to be, and I want to be serious about it. I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself and making excuses and fucking up. I'm tired of celebrating everyone else's birthdays, without celebrating one myself. I want the long-term, life-time change, and I think I'm ready to do the work to get it and get there.
They say it takes exactly what it takes for each of us to reach the point of surrender and willingness. Sounds like you're there! You deserve to be! And by that I mean you deserve the riches of sobriety.
Keep coming back and keep writing! xoxo
I am glad you are back in the rooms!
They knew I hated How It Works, so they made me read it as many times as they could. (My case three meetings a day) I hated it. It was dumb. I love reading that now. I live it now.
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